I became a mom to my mom when she began isolating after a family trauma in 1993 when I was 12 years old.

Later, as a parent, I started doing all the same damaging things to my own kid by the time she was 7.

We all needed support and help and didn’t know how to ask for it. I am angry about all the abandonment and silence. The women in my life continued to fail me then my daughter over and over.

Navigating the complexities of family alone while trying to shield my kid from the trauma of an abusive environment did not go as planned.

I feel as though my family watches us suffer choosing not to help.

This is my confession and refusal to keep ugly secrets for anyone ever again.

Over the next 10 years, after moving away with my then 7 year old, our friends and family invited us back to visit about 0 times. I quickly became the abusive environment for anyone in the same room as me. I also failed at being a consistently good mom due to my own chronic anger and shame. I worry about our safety and emotional well-being every day. The proper legal channels that were supposed to offer protection fell short. My own personality disorders exasperated negativity making holding a job very difficult, often being fired for attendance issues or personality conflicts.

Being rageful, impatient and rude did not gain me any friends or support.

Doing things my way created a worse situation for myself.

More especially for the innocent child dragged along through it all.

Rightly or wrongly, the people in my family made things worse.

We needed help and safety.

Only No one cared about us.

Please help me to collectively call out PEOPLE fostering discord.

Especially between parents and people who WANT to co-parent and support.

Our kids need the men and women in their lives to model PARTNERSHIP.

Our kids need everyone to STEP up and help parents to parent.

By 1993, my middle sister was cutting herself regularly and in and out of institutions for care. This is what I witnessed at 12 years old.

June 1993, my sister succeeded in committing suicide, in her bedroom, using a gun meant to protect our dad’s restaurant. Why did she have access to this gun? How did this happen with so many adults around?

No one talked about it. I was put on zoloft which I didn’t take since it hurt my stomach and no one was checking if I did.

By 1997, my mom got more violent with me so I moved in with my dad. Into my sister’s old room. That was also when my dad confessed he had been dating his bartender for actual years. Ok. Omitting facts is lying, people. Queue resentments, stage left, right and center.

The bullet hole was still visible. It was spackled and painted over. Not even sanded down to diminished the hole where the bullet went into the plywall at a downward sideways angle.

I spent a lot of time wondering how she was while managing all that alone. I wonder if the bullet casing is still in the wall somewhere not worth the construction to retrieve. I'm not sure how the logistics really go. The movies always have to retrieve the casings though.

Even though she had a mom and dad, two sisters, played sports, and listened to badass music she was suicidal.

Even though she was popular and likeable she was suicidal.

Even though, at the time, she had a 22 year old sister in college only 2 and a half hours away in Austin (Go Longhorns!) to lean on for sisterly support and attention, she was suicidal.

Even though she had a beautiful face and perfect straight teeth without braces and healthy feminine figure by 15, she was suicidal.

Even though she wore funny tee shirts like “All this and brains too”, she was suicidal.

Even though she had a bunch of aunts, uncles, cousins and so many friends, she was suicidal.

Even though she traveled to Puerto Rico and Italy to meet extended family on holidays, she was suicidal.

Even though she was in gymnastics competitions and barrel racing her own quarter horse - Lady Doc Niner, an ex champion cutter, she was suicidal.

She felt alone and desperate when her favorite person did not return the words she needed to hear and feel.

She shot herself in the head instead of feeling that.

Gone at 15.

No one talked about it.

A mediated conversation with anyone NOT in her family may have resulted in a different outcome.

In retrospect this many, many years later - I believe addressing the toxic women alienating a kid from help may have also helped.

My dad’s bartender —who he would later married (and file for divorce from twice) kicked a hole in my bedroom door shortly after I moved in with my dad when I was 17 years old. This is also when I learned my dad has been dating his bartender for actual years and she would also be moving in with us. Ok.

I called the police since my dad was not stopping her from kicking a hole all the way through…The police officer told her it was my space and she should be arrested for assault and forced entry but I wanted to keep my dad happy with me so I let it go.

Around the time my dad’s girlfriend assaulted me 1999ish, this woman cornered me in my home to inform me she is my father’s lover and I need to get over it.

All this also around the same time I got in trouble my senior year of high school then my dad’s girlfriend told on me for hiding 2 tiny kittens (that my boyfriend and I heroically saved together) in my bedroom while I was at work/school.

My dad said I had to get rid of the tiny kittens OR move out. Looking back as an adult and parent, it feels like my dad was trying to get rid of me or at least the very least was not trying to make sure I felt safe enough to stick around. So I took Rowdy and Logan and moved out to live with my boyfriend I met less than 3 months earlier to start our happily never after.

I let all the atrocities inflicted on me go unsettled. Over and over again. Just like my own daughter did until she got fed up.

It was much worse for her since she understood she did not need to take any mistreatment from anyone ever.

I involved my family to participate in helping me parent my daughter—and oh boy, did they. Now we are all estranged. The kid has not heard from her grandparents/ God Father and aunt/ God Mother since 2021 as of my last conversation with my kid in October 2024.

Deplorable facts do not deserve compassion or silence.

My father did nothing when we were abused by our mom.

My father did nothing when we were abused by his girlfriend.

My father tried to kick my sister and instead almost broke his own foot

since her thigh was the solid rock of a healthy gymnast and horseback riding barrel racer.

This is what I witnessed as 10 year old.

My father’s wife went on to assault my daughter—calling her an ungrateful bitch and slapping her In the face around the same age as when she assaulted me.

— 17 years old — also in front of my dad — 22 years apart —

He did NOTHING.

I joked with my daughter that she is living my origin story when she made me aware of the assault

she endured from her supposed grandmother.

We joke because there is no other way to process these atrocities.

I can do more than soften ugly stuff with humor, though.

I can raise awareness by speaking the truth as it is.

Ugly.

This woman is a prime example of a person

maliciously sowing discord between parents and their children.

I no longer tolerate this type of Internal Family System.

I believe a simple mediated conversation would have solved much yet No one was willing to work with us.

I learned in 2024, I was forced to be alone by family who did not help us over the past 20 years. I am hurt and very angry about it. No one cared that we stayed in a weekly motel until I could get our own place all while on unemployment and food stamps. My older childless sister suggested I write a book about what is like to be on welfare instead of offering any practical advice or support. She was even laughing when she suggested this as if it was a fluffy topic. Another example of her willful ignorance to her own bigotry, racism and prejudices. I feel for her and people like her. People that intentionally diminish others. This is my impression of her common theme with me, at least. People like her need a hug and an education. She would later attempt to diminish my daughter again as a 52 year old childless aunt and godparent hurting me and my daughter more deeply while proving her own lack of moral worth.

I hope Anna’s UnGreetings will help people discover how to “un-greet” a situation safely especially when the relationship’s future is bright.

Let’s try to GROW a chance for the future’s reconciliation.

When my ex-husband opted to back out of his promises things got much worse for me. Not claiming us has broken me over and over many times in my life.

I want to draw strength from my vulnerabilities and anger to speak out to the community.

The community is the resource of support systems that can provide the help desperately needed when family and the legal systems fail.

Through perseverance and a fierce love for our child, my ex husband and myself, I discovered my superpower is my resistance to accept things the way they are when there is suffering. As well as my unmatched persistence. And finally being dramatically, even theatrically thunderous in volume about my passions.

I am one voice and if I help even one other person. Good. I am also counting on my voice to vex those who intend others harm both in action and inaction.

Doing NOTHING is not an option.

The people who know we suffer and do nothing but witness fuel my commitment to be part of the solution dedicating my time to assisting other parents and children who find themselves in similar situations. I shine my dark light on the truth.

I am part of the movement where discord and violence is not tolerated or brushed under a rug to manage alone.

We are not alone even in the dark times, there are ways forward, around and oftentimes through.

If you are navigating the challenges of parenthood and family violence, know that you are not alone, and there is help available.

Together, we can create a safer, brighter future for us and our children.

It all begins by choosing a path.

They all lead to the same places.

- anywhere you want -

Did you know 2024 is the Year of the Dragon?

Dragon is associated with power, courage and vitality.

Revered for their strength, leadership, and ability to bring good fortune.

The year of the dragon is often marked by

transformative change, encouraging individuals

to pursue their ambitions with boldness and confidence.

For art and poetry, please explore Anna’s Atrocities